Tangled Ribbons Read online

  Tangled Ribbons

  by Carren Strock

  Copyright

  © 2015

  This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are either fictitious or are used fictitiously.

  All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission except for brief quotations for review purposes only.

  Fantastic Books

  1380 East 17 Street, Suite 2233

  Brooklyn, New York 11230

  www.FantasticBooks.biz

  Print ISBN 10: 1-62755-637-0

  Print ISBN 13: 978-1-62755-637-8

  First Print Edition, April 2015

  First Electronic Edition, August 2015

  Dedication

  For Jeanne,

  who opened my mind to

  the possibilities of other worlds.

  Chapter One

  I watched Naomi walk to the front of the chapel. She placed a single white rose in my coffin, leaned over, and kissed me gently on my lips. “Jenna, sweetheart,” she whispered stroking my cheek. “We both knew this time would come, but I wouldn’t have traded a day with you for all the world.”

  Nor would I, I said to myself, but I was not quite at peace with my earthly end.

  #

  Although I had a good marriage and three nice daughters, I had lived with a feeling that sexually, a part of me was missing. When I met Naomi a few years before I died, only some of those feelings vanished. I had also lived with strange fragments of unexplained pictures popping in and out of my mind. They haunted me all through my Earth life. I was desperate to understand what they meant, but I died without solving that mystery either.

  #

  After everyone left the chapel and the gurney holding my coffin was wheeled away, I found myself no longer in the sanctuary, but drifting through a timelessness. At peace with myself, I flowed gently on a current of air, toward a light. Actually, it wasn’t a focused light, but more like an encompassing brilliant one. A feeling of tranquility settled over and engulfed me.

  I traveled through the light toward a large translucent arch. And, as I moved through the arch, an entire rainbow of light blanketed me. I emerged into a haze, with a feeling of lightness, and the knowledge that everything was as it should be in this new realm.

  As the haze lifted, I could see ethereal figures in gauzy, pastel-colored tunics, floating about. They swirled harmoniously around me. Occasionally, one in shimmering white floated by, reminding me of fresh snow crystals glistening on a cold, sunny day.

  Then, off in the distance, a tiny silver apparition came into sight. It grew nearer and nearer, until I could clearly see flowing white hair. The hair framed wizened old eyes the color of the bluest of skies, but eyes so sorrowful it hurt to look directly at them. And yet, I could feel the benevolent nature of this elder. While I’d felt myself warmed and welcomed by the beings that hovered about me, her presence brought a reassuring comfort. Was I somehow connected to this sad Being?

  “Welcome, Jenna. I’m Theodora. Theo, I prefer. Seventh Level.” The quiet authority in Theo’s voice belied her fragile appearance.

  Questions flooded my mind.

  “Your questions will soon be answered,” Theo said, reading my thoughts. “In time, new sensations and concepts come to everyone who passes through the arch. You have been given a tremendous amount of information all at once. You have also been given power. Use it wisely.”

  Levels? Power? What did all of this mean?

  “On Earth, you might have thought of these powers as magical. But rest assured,” Theo extended her open arms, “complete understanding of all of this will soon be yours.”

  I looked around. I could see no sun, but bright rays of light crisscrossed in all directions. Like highways in heaven, I thought. Dramatic colors swirled about: dark storm-like grays, pale robin’s egg blues, pinks merging with yellows, oranges fading into deep purple-reds. An artist’s dream palette.

  “Jenna, Jenna.” Hearing Theo call my name brought me back to the now. “While our forms change, and we can take time for our own enjoyment, the work we have to do continues on.”

  “I know… our need to be of service, but why do I know that?”

  “Because in your lifetime you received the most awesome gift, the gift of true Clarity.”

  Clarity? I thought of my Earth life; my husband and daughters. And then I remembered the instant I’d received that gift. It was when I connected with Naomi.

  #

  When I met Naomi, finding a lover had been the farthest thing from my mind. At that point, an inoperable brain tumor was consuming my life. While I could still take care of myself, my balance was off and, occasionally, I was forced to use a wheelchair. Knowing that the time might come when I would be totally dependent on others, I needed to feel independent now. And so, although my family tried to dissuade me, I decided to spend two months on Cherry Grove. It was a gay women’s Mecca on Fire Island, and I had been curious about it for some time. Thanks to a friend, I had a job waiting for me at one of the gift shops near the pier.

  All at once, it was as though I was back on the narrow wooden boardwalks that connected the cottages and the small shops on Ocean Walk and Bayview, pushing my chair, or wheeling myself along the walkway that led to the beach. I could hear the rolling waves coming in like thunder. From a quiet rumbling in the distance, the sounds intensified as the waves neared the shore, and then quieted again as they rolled on down the beach.

  And I could see a woman running along the shore, her long graying hair, wild in the wind, flying out behind her. That was the day I met Naomi. I remember wondering if her hair caught the scent of sea air as she ran.

  I sat in my wheelchair where she’d have to pass as she bounded up the ramp from the beach. She stopped near my chair and bent down to tie her shoe lace. I leaned over and smelled her hair.

  “I’m right,” I said.

  She looked at me quizzically.

  “Your hair. It has the scent of the sea in it. It’s wonderful.”

  She smiled, and I invited her to the store.

  #

  Theo nodded. “You were given a preview. That’s the Clarity I’m talking about.

  “It was more than that. Meeting Naomi answered the sexual part of me that had been missing.”

  #

  Naomi came in later that day. “Brr, I’m freezing,” she said, closing the door against the wind.

  “Come over here and I’ll warm you up,” I said, then blushed.

  “You’re a dirty old woman.”

  “I’m not old,” I said, and we both laughed. It was all so natural.

  Naomi began to stop by each evening to help me close up. Then she’d walk me back to my room, and we’d talk over sandwiches or pizza that we’d pick up on our way. Our relationship started out innocently—until the night she kissed me. I think she was curious as to how I would accept a kiss from her, and we were both surprised at how that kiss made us feel.

  The connection I felt with Naomi was different than anything I’d ever felt with George, my husband. When I spoke to her, not only did she really listen to me, but more importantly, she identified with what I was saying. I could say anything and be understood, without judgment. I felt an enormous freedom.

  We kissed often. Then, one evening, Naomi began to unbutton my shirt. I followed her lead. Soon we were both undressed. For the first time in years, I wasn’t embarrassed by my body. Nothing was embarrassing between us.

  #

  “I was surprised that I didn’t feel guilty when our bodies came together. I felt like there couldn’t possibly be anything wrong with loving someone the way I loved her. It was funny though. My life on Earth was almost over and I knew I’d be leaving her soon. Yet I felt no remorse.

  Theo nodded. “You had a sense that your time with Naomi was complete.

  “But a part of me seemed to be missing in my earlier years. Why didn’t I know then, when my life felt so incomplete?” I asked, thinking of the long years that had been wasted before I discovered my true sexuality.

  Theo shook her head. “The years were not wasted. You were a good mother, and the wife you were supposed to be. And it was not time then for you to know—until Naomi.”

  #

  Under Theo’s tutelage, I slowly became comfortable on the Celestial Tableland and began to understand the workings of my new world.

  Chapter Two

  I learned that while each life begins with a blank slate, each soul is created with a distinct potential and the capability of reaching that potential. If the individual journeys toward that awareness, she will be reborn again and again, until her full potential has been reached. At that time she will move on to Paradise. But if she shows no growth after being given three new lives on Earth, there will be no possibility of Paradise for her. When she dies, she will simply cease to exist.

  Theo also explained that once an individual crosses over and reaches the Tableland, she can see into all of her past lives. But I could see only one. It was unheard of that a person could reach her full potential in just one lifetime.

  “I don’t understand…”

  Theo raised her hand to cut me off. “This is the natural progression.” And then, almost to herself, she added, “Unless there’s a roadblock, or an unresolved issue.”

  A roadblock, or an unresolved issue? Before I could ponder her words, Theo turned away from me, but I glimpsed her sorrow. I wondered, what could be the caus
e of her great unhappiness here in this wondrous realm?

  #

  The majority of beings on this Tableland were Spirit Guides, and I eagerly awaited the time when the Celestial Judges would say I was ready to take my place among them.

  Finally my time came. Theo appeared and cleared her throat. “The Judges are pleased with your progress. From here on, you will assume your responsibilities as a Spirit Guide, Level One. You will—”

  “I know. I know. My duty will be to see that my Charges are set on the right path.”

  In my excitement, I forgot my frustration with Theo for refusing to tell me anything about other past lives I should have had.

  “How do I find them?” I asked her.

  “We have a book called the Journal of Providence. On rare occasions, the Celestial Judges assign a Charge. Usually, though, Guides choose a person from one of their past lives. If their choice is a good one, the Journal allows that name to come to the top of the list. Or, if they have no preference, they can let the Journal chose for them.”

  “I’ll let it choose,” I said, feeling a bit intimated.

  A sudden mist closed in on us, and when it cleared, Theo and I were in a great hall. Large chandeliers hung from the high ceiling. Dark wooden shelves heaped with leather-bound books lined the walls below high arched windows. Long oak tables, one after another, stretched the length of the room. Atop the tables, small, green-shaded lamps, every few feet, cast a diffuse light. Chairs lined each side of the tables.

  “Where are we? How did we get here?” I whispered.

  “The main branch of the New York Public Library. A bit theatrical, maybe. We could have gone to the Celestial Court of Records for the Journal, but in my Earth-life, I loved doing research in this magnificent building.”

  She opened the book, a large ledger. I could see nothing on the pages, and my hand went automatically toward my right side. During my Earth life, I’d always kept my reading glasses in my right hand pocket.

  “No need,” Theo said. “Your eyesight is perfect now.”

  “Then the pages are blank?”

  Theo passed her hand over the page, and a multitude of names appeared. I could see every one of them clearly.

  “These individuals are on their final Earth lives. Hold your hand over the page and bring up one in need of Spirit Guidance.”

  I put my hand out as Theo instructed, and the names rearranged themselves.

  #

  My early cases were simple ones. No emotions to deal with. Even though the strategies I used were deemed unsophisticated by more experienced Guides, they were new to me, and fun to implement.

  Quickly I learned to view my Charges’ lives, and the lives of anyone connected to them. I could fast forward and rewind entire lives for this purpose. I learned to read their thoughts and feelings, and to use thought transference to guide them in the right direction. Thought transference allows the subject to maintain his or her free will but use it more judiciously.

  #

  Initially I had the Journal choose my assignments, and then, pleased with my early successes, I began to choose my own. Most Guides preferred to work with one Charge at a time, but I took on two together, and then three. Once new arrivals become familiar with the workings of the Tableland, they are advanced to Level One Spirit Guides. Some are satisfied remaining Ones. Others rise a level or two and remain there. I, however, have always been a high achiever; very goal oriented, and I worked my way up to Level Five. But I had no intention of remaining as a Fifth.

  Two Exalted Celestials floated by, their golden garments flowing about them, and all conversation stopped in recognition of the esteemed Beings. I was determined that soon I, too, would achieve that wondrous title and become a part of that elite group. I needed only to work my way past Seventh Level.

  Rumor had it that one Guide, who had come within a hair’s breadth of that title, had refused the honor, and had remained a Seventh Level. That would not be me. Nothing would deter me from reaching my goal.

  Only Theo knew of my fixation. She didn’t discourage me, but she didn’t encourage me, either, and I wondered briefly why she was not more motivated to reach that coveted position herself.

  #

  I completed my work with all of my current Charges and headed over to the Court of Records. Guides in pastel-colored garments congregated in the Atrium. Fifth levels, like myself, wore pale blues. Here and there, a white robe denoted a Sixth, and a rare silvery garment proclaimed a Seventh, like Theodora. I nodded greetings to several Guides I’d become acquainted with. They invited me to join them, but I declined. Eager to scroll through the Journal for more Charges, I hurried on.

  No one could say exactly how many people I needed to guide before I could become a Sixth Level, and then a Seventh. I hated not having answers. While the Clarity gave me an immense understanding, it also gave me a strong awareness of what I didn’t know.

  I’d already done more than any other Fifth Level Guide, and still had no idea what else was needed to move forward. I had asked Theo numerous times. Her response had always been, “The prerequisites are different for each Guide. We’ll just have to see how things go.”

  #

  Frustrated, I floated over to the Court where the Celestial Judges could be found. Surely one of them would have a direct answer for me.

  Deep in conversation with the Judges, Theo failed to notice me as I neared. I slowed my movement. Even though I had no intention of eavesdropping, I couldn’t help hearing my name mentioned, and then hearing one of the Judges say, “She can’t know.”

  “Then I don’t want her to take on the assignment.” Theo sounded agitated. “She’s not ready.”

  “She has to be the one. Besides, this will elevate her status,” another voice argued.

  “But—” Theo began.

  A commanding voice cut her off, “Joining this Perfect Pairing will be her next assignment. The decision of the Court is final.”

  I saw Theo’s aura fade to a dark dingy blue, the color of deep sorrow, but my breath caught. Excitement radiated throughout my body. A Perfect Pairing.

  A person can have many lovers, but only the truly fortunate find their Soul Mates. And a Perfect Pairing comes about only once in a great while, when Soul Mates complement each other to a degree so high as to put them in complete balance. To be chosen to guide a Perfect Pairing to their joined destiny is a great honor.

  Why did Theo want to deny me this honor? What did she think she was doing? She knew how much I wanted to move on. Just as I was about to search for her, Theo appeared.

  I couldn’t tell her I’d heard the Judges talking, but I had no need to.

  “Come,” Theo said, her voice somber, her steps slow, she led me to the Celestial Court of Records. “There is a special assignment. Much more difficult than the others you’ve had.”

  “I’m ready.”

  “Are you certain? It will require more than the usual procedures. It will require skill—and patience. And if you fail… well, the consequences of failing could be dire.” The sorrow, more deeply etched in Theo’s face, made me turn away.

  I was not about to ask what the consequences might be, because I would not fail. “I said I’m ready.”

  “Very well, then.” Theo sighed.

  Why did she sound so forlorn? Her response to my musing was a forced smile. She waved her hand over the page. I watched as the names rearranged themselves. Beverly Jamison came to the top of the list.

  Chapter Three

  When I learned that Beverly Jamison would be my Charge, I was both surprised and pleased. I had met Bev shortly before my death, and it was she who helped me to die. I remembered our brief time together so clearly.

  Near my end, I couldn’t get out much, so I had begun counseling women who were discovering their same-gender sexuality. I did it either by phone or in person at my house.

  Bev had called me. At first she spoke guardedly, in little more than a whisper. She’d finally come out to herself, and desperately needed someone to talk to. I invited her to my place. She said, in between sobs—yet with a hint of humor that I found delightful—“Jenna, I can only come if you have a large box of tissues, because I can’t stop crying.”